Dear Humans, Dogs are Complaining About You

I am a god of dogs, yeah, you human, you heard it right. 

And I am disheartened to see the plight of many dogs in this human-captured world. Dogs are complaining about you. Daily I get many unhappy prayers from unhappy dogs around the world. 

And when I say humans, I’m talking about those humans who buy them on a whim. I am not talking about those who are really needy or those who adopt them and take good care of them like their own child.

So humans, do read these unhappy prayers or thoughts from my folks.

Selfie, The Pomeranian

Hey God, I’m Selfie! Weird name, right? My owner is a selfie, wefie and other so-fie lover. You can say, she is a trigger happy lady. Since she has brought me to her home, I am a target of her and her camera phone.

She clicks me from every angle possible. Left. Right. Top. Bottom. Standing up. Laying down.  Close-ups. Day or night. Indoor or outdoor. With stupid specially designed clothes for me. Without clothes. Sometimes even with makeup. And with many photo filters applied. 

Whenever she finds I am looking cute. Her camera triggers. 

She takes photos and makes videos of mine to share with her online so-called friends, with many weird #hashtags. 

Recently, I have learned that she wants to earn money from my photos and videos, by making me an Instagram star. Woh aurat mujhse kamaye huye paise per jeena chahti hai. Ghor kalyug! (That lady wants to live life from earnings generated by me. Alas, the age of darkness!). 

Hey god, please make either the cameras or humans disappear. I beg you.

Cinderella, The Chihuahua

God, save me! I am tired. Exhausted. 

Whenever my owner takes me to a park, she deliberately goes away from me to a certain distance and then calls me from there. When I run to her, she says with a grin, “Awww…nice doggy!”. My owner thinks I love her. But I don’t.  

Sometimes, I am tired and not in the mood to run to her. But still, she repeats the same act again and again. She thinks it’s fun. She doesn’t understand that she is blackmailing me to come to her. I desperately look at the passersby for help. But, alas, I have to give up in absence of any help.  

Also, I don’t have any other options. I have to be a part of her fun. She gives me food after all. Please stop her from torturing me daily.

Meatball, The labrador

My name is Meatball, I am a labrador. My owner eats a lot, watches TV a lot. He has all the OTT subscriptions there in the market. He is a fat guy. When it comes to taking care of me, he just gives me food and takes me out for the dump. He doesn’t like it though, and wouldn’t do it if shit didn’t matter.

Every time he thinks about going to a park, he just sits there and lets me sit there until he moves. 

I wanted to play, catch balls, run, chase squirrels, cats and birds. But not anymore as I’ve also become fat and don’t feel that energy. 

Can somebody tell him to eat less and move his ass so I can mine?

E.T., The Pug

Hey, god. I find these humans very cruel as they neuter us. My s*x life is destroyed before it could happen. 

I used to huff and puff whenever our neighbour’s dog “Spark Pug” walked past me. It was hard to resist. She used to give me a playful smile. That was love for sure. 

But now, I don’t feel anything when I see her. I think she has noticed the same and has stopped smiling at me. I don’t like to roam much anymore. 

I don’t feel like showing aggressiveness to other male dogs. It seems neutering has done its job well. 

Now, who would tell my owner how he would feel if someone took out his b*lls or cut the reproductive nerves, huh?

Snowy, The Husky

Hey god, please help me. You know I love cold weather and ice. But my Indian, big city  residing,  wannabe wealthy owner, wanted to own a unique dog. A dog breed that would be different from their neighbours’ dogs. So, he bought me. 

If I’m in an AC room or there is winter around, I am ok. But when it comes to summer and going out, it’s hell for me. I huff and puff, and walk around with my tongue out. 

My owner’s chest becomes 56” whenever his neighbours talk about how awesome I look. But I’m not flattered. Who will tell such owners to use common sense, that Huskies don’t belong in warm places? 

God, please transport me to my heavenly abode, Siberia.

Chewie, The Beagle

God, I’m going through a shitty problem. My lady takes me regularly to the park so that I can poop there and piss there. 

Same park where people and children sit, play and exercise there. Some even lay there face down. Yuck! Those poor souls. 

I don’t like going there but my lady drags me there and I do the poop there as pressure is insane sometimes. And later on, it becomes a habit. I am not saying that my lady doesn’t clean up after me, she does. But would wiping grass with a newspaper clean out all the stuff? I doubt it and what about piss? Nobody is cleaning it. 

I just want her to take me to a more reasonable place. Can’t she?

Daaru, The Bulldog

What would I tell you, god, you know it all. 

My owner is the number one drunkard in the whole neighbourhood. Every time he is drunk, he calls me Mera bacha hai tu! (You are my child). But when he is sober, he forgets me.

He is financially unstable and uses a substantial amount of his earnings on buying drinks. Alone or with his friends. 

He is not able to properly take care of his children. But he still brought me into this dysfunctional family. 

His wife and none of his children take care of me as they are also pissed off with that man. So the end result? I’m neglected. 

Sometimes I get the food. Sometimes not. There is hardly any play. What should I do, god? Please guide me.

Roko, The Labrador

Peri Pauna god! (Touching your feet, god!) 

I am slowly dying as I’m eating what my middle-class family is eating. They give me all the leftovers when they are full. Who would tell them that my digestive system is not accustomed to naan, tandoori roti, butter chicken, pizza, burger, french fries, pasta and whatever decorated or sophisticated junk these people eat? 

My owners think that if their stomach is full and whatever food is left, their pet is a good idea to utilise. It’s not that they easily give up on their food. No, they keep eating and gulping it until they feel the food up their throats.

God, who would tell them that my body needs raw food like meats, bones, fat etc?

Woofer, The German Shepherd

God, can you see my plight? Don’t laugh at me. I know I’m looking like a featherless chicken. My owner has got my body hair shaved. Why? Because he thinks I am feeling hot in summer. It started with that idiot man from the Lajpat Nagar’s pet parlour who recommended this stupid idea. My owner fell for his lie. My owner himself doesn’t know that he is interfering with my natural temperature regulation system by shaving me.

Now, every summer they do this to me and I feel frightened to visit pet parlour. My barkings and resistances don’t make sense to my owner. He just drags me there. When I sometimes see myself in a mirror or when people laugh at me, I feel embarrassed and sad. What should I do? Give me superpowers and I’ll destroy all of the pet parlours or shops myself.

Hodor, The St. Bernard

Namaste Prabhu! Meri pooja mein koi kami? (Namaste god! Is there any problem in my sincere worship of you?) Look at my size. I am living in a congested home on a congested lane in a congested colony of a congested city.

We are 6 members in a 2 bedroom house. The whole house is filled with necessary and mostly unnecessary things, hardly giving any space to work or even walk properly, whether for me or for my owners. We just adjust – a lot. 

I couldn’t get an idea why people bring a dog like me or any dog in a cramped place? There are so many people. They don’t walk or go straight but in a zigzag kind of way to avoid bumping each other. 

I am living in a colony where pets shit on the side of roads. I also do the same as my owner has trained me this way only. And most of the owners don’t clean the shits of their dogs. Shits just lie there to be cleaned by people’s shoes, tires of vehicles, etc. 

There is no park to play in. Humans have created so unusable and unlivable cities for themselves. But why am I here? 

Sweety, The Golden Retriever

My married owner is a creep. He uses me as a medium to go to our society’s park and get a chance to mingle with other dog owners who are women. He has bought me for this purpose only.

Every day, in the mornings or evenings, he remains excited to meet them. Sometimes, he just leaves me in the park and does his own thing. 

But if he sees a girl or woman with a dog coming in his direction, he runs towards me, gets on my leash, and walks towards her to let me meet her dog. This way he can strike a conversation with the woman. But some smart women pass by him without stopping. He just keeps looking at her from behind. I love that part of his disappointment. 

I think his duty is to play with me, run with me and take good care of me. But his focus is society’s women or girls. 

So Have You Understood Something from These Prayers?

Now, what would you say? That god of dogs is not that reasonable? I am. 

Just for the sake of show-off and social status, you humans are creating demand. The demand calls for supply and that’s where humans go overboard and over breed us. 

Breeders create new kinds of species so they can market us to — grab anything that money can afford and show off —  humans. 

However, please note, you humans, that here I am not talking about those people who really need the help of a dog companion like old people, lonely people, differently-abled people, etc. Some humans are genuine and most are not. Period.

Before you humans came, I had good control over my species. I was able to cater to their natural needs using natural courses and power. But since you humans have come, many disasters are happening here and there. 

You take dogs as a “want” and not as a “need”. 

Remember your Gucci purse or D&G dress? Which you use a few times until everybody in your circle has noticed. Then your enchantment for those things fade away and they lie peacefully in your cupboard.

Remember your shiny and precious bike or car? Which you washed daily with your hands and admired its beauty, curves and thrills? After some time, you stop that and delegate the work to others. Your enchantment has gone. Because a new enchantment has come out there in the market. And you drool for it. 

Similarly, you are doing it with dogs. 

Looking cute? Buy it. A neighbour has it? Buy it. Relatives have it? Buy it. Saw dogs videos and got emotional or excited? Buy it. Got a social media earning idea using a dog? Buy it. Ego bruised? Buy it. 

And what should I tell you about food? You give my folks packaged food sold by greedy corporations. 

They advertise their products as they are a boon for your pets’ health and growth. No, they are telling a lie. 

Any kind of processed and cooked food is bad for your pets (like processed and junk food for you humans). Don’t believe me? Search for it.

Another point. Do you recognise your limitations before bringing a dog to your home? 

You must think that raising a dog is almost equal to raising a child. Food expenses. Medical expenses. Accessories expenses. Toys expenses. Pet home expenses. And others which other humans market and sell to you pet owners.

In the end, it is important to add that some of you humans punish my folks. 

You fight with your wife, you either shout or beat my folks. You are frustrated with your life, see my folks making tantrums or barking, you punish them. Some owners beat their pets like they beat their children. 

I have seen one rural uneducated guy punishing his dog by forcing him to hold a brick in his mouth for around half an hour. 

Some social media guys do weird pranks on them. These dog owners think that such stupid things are funny. Because you humans watch those videos. This is not fun for a dog. My folks need love and care.

So, dear humans, look for needs and not for wants. Do you really need a dog? If yes, buy it then.

Think again, before buying a dog. Be considerate. Please. I beg you.

Note: Top Photo by Mathew Henry on Unsplash.