Gaslighting: A Dirty Tool for Psychological Abuse

Do you remember any conversation where, no matter what you said, the other person twisted your words? You felt unheard. Confused. Maybe even foolish for speaking up. And afterward, you wondered—was I overreacting? Did I imagine that?

That feeling? That seed of doubt? That’s how gaslighting begins. Often.

Gaslighting is not a disagreement. It is not miscommunication. It is a method. And it is used with intent.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It doesn’t rely on shouting. It doesn’t leave bruises. It doesn’t need violence. It works by making someone question their own mind.

And once you stop trusting your mind, you become easier to control.

How Gaslighting Works

Victims find it hard to detect gaslighting because it is a quiet and steady manipulation. In order to avoid detection, manipulators start it with small lies and manipulations. They gently nudge their victims to doubt their own memory, perception, and eventually, their sanity.

A life partner insists you agree to plans you don’t remember now. A boss claims your clearly defined expectations were never discussed. A business partner denies the terms that you both agreed verbally while starting a business.

Over time, these incidents pile up and doubt settles in.

Gaslighting works because it thrives on confusion. A gaslighter knows how to present their version of reality with calm certainty. When you confront them, they dismiss your concerns and label them as misunderstandings or exaggerations.

And that’s where confusion and doubts start. You begin to wonder if they are right. Perhaps you did not hear properly, or you were overly sensitive.

The real power of gaslighting doesn’t lie in big and dramatic lies, it lies in small distortions of truth repeated again and again. Each time a manipulator twists reality, it increases your uncertainty. The result? Soon you stop trusting yourself. You start relying on the gaslighter to define what is true.

Most of the time a gaslighter is someone who you trust. Therefore, the person manipulating you is often someone close. It could be anyone like a family member, partner, friend, or authority figure.

Their intimate access lets them shape your reality subtly and persistently. This trust and intimacy make it difficult to detect or question gaslighting.

How Gaslighting Changes You

Gaslighting changes you slowly and quietly. You lose confidence and become delusional about your sense of reality.

You learn not to trust your instincts because the manipulator is telling you again and again that you are imagining things. They make you believe that something never happened. Eventually, you accept the gaslighter’s truth above yours.

Over time, your identity begins to shift. You become more cautious and apologetic. You become anxious and making decisions becomes harder.

Gaslighting doesn’t just confuse you—it changes how you think. You might start to justify the gaslighter’s behavior, believing the problem lies within you. It becomes easier to assume you misunderstood something or overreacted at certain times. You don’t feel the will and awareness to confront reality.

This internal confusion keeps you stuck, unable to clearly see what’s happening. Furthermore, if no right steps are taken at the right time, it keeps eroding your emotional health. You may struggle with depression or anxiety. A feeling of helplessness can take over you.

And that’s what a gaslighter wants you to become—a confused and uncertain person. Because he knows that in such situations, it will be harder for you to seek help.

Why Gaslighting doesn’t Always Look Like Abuse

Most people may think that gaslighting is obvious emotional abuse. If like them you think there are harsh words and shameless lies, no, it is not the truth. In real life, gaslighting often wears a gentler face. Victims feel like their manipulators are showing genuine concern. If any advice is coming from them, it is genuine.

Let’s think of a scenario: Anjali lives with Rahul. But recently Rahul is not behaving well with Anjali. When she complains about it, he doesn’t acknowledge it and tells her that you are overreacting.

He is not raising his voice. He is not insulting her. And there is no aggression. But it is still gaslighting.

Gaslighting doesn’t always look like cruelty because it doesn’t always need to. Its power lies precisely in its quiet, persistent nature.

What Gaslighting Feels Like and How to Spot It

Unlike physical harm, gaslighting doesn’t leave any visible scars.

If you have been gaslit, you know the feeling. You feel small. You become confused. You doubt yourself. You feel afraid to speak because your sense of reality has been distorted by the manipulator.

Further, you feel like you are “too much” or “too emotional”. You isolate yourself because you feel like nobody would understand you. Nobody would help you.

And even when the abuser is gone, you remain doubtful. You question yourself if he/she was really that bad. You wonder if you were the real problem.

Therefore it is important to spot gaslighting when it happens. Gaslighting is often hard to see when you’re inside it. But there are some signs, like:

• You find yourself apologizing all the time.
• You often feel confused after conversations.
• You have stopped trusting your memory.
• You have lost confidence in your ability to make decisions.

Sounds familiar? Then, it is time to pause and reflect. And what you can do about it.

What You Can Do About It

What do you do if you recognize gaslighting?

The first step is to give it a name. Tell yourself that you did not misunderstand things. You were right. This is indeed manipulation.

Second, keep records. Write about what happened, how you felt, and what you noticed. Save messages. Trust your notes over your manipulator’s words.

Third, talk to people you trust. Don’t isolate yourself and keep your trusted connections. Because isolation is a tool for manipulators to control you.

Fourth, if it is safe, set boundaries. You can say, “I’m not going to argue about this thing further.” If they still stress, say “No more discussion on it. This conversation is over.”

And sometimes, the only way to end gaslighting is to leave the relationship. That can be painful. But it is necessary sometimes.